My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
