haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
