I wish I could teleport
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
