Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
