Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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