my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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