the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
