My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
