you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
