I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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