hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
