i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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