A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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