he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
