so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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