Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
