I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
