Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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