why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize