problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
