Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
