Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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