Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
