y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
