I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just cropdusted the office
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
