i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
