I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
