A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
