Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
