And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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