Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
