i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
