Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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