her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
