The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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