its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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