I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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