I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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