is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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