when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found puke in my bra..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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