he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize