Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
