woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
birth control should be required to get into college
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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