You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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