i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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