Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
