Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
