his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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