Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
