I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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