apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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