She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
