a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
