I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
