White coat. Heels.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
