i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
