thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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