I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize