We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
