I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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