Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
