Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize