She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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