I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
