I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize