note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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