I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
