The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
