you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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