I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
