I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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