I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
