Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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