$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
