i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
