Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize