Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
