No stitches, just platelets and will power
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize