Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
