Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize