his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
