oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
