You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
