I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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