I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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