If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
