worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
