i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
