Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
