just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
