I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
