i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
