I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
