even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
