My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
