"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
