Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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