I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
