The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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