Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
