I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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