Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
