I'm so fucking centered right now
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
