My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
