i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize